Dear Fred

Being a Dad comes with no credit.
You find yourself enforcing
Crying silently, yet developing.
Nurturing mistakes before they happen.
Beating up emotions you never knew existed.
Providing for households
Doing more for others,
Than you'll ever do for yourself.
Starting arguments you'll never win,
Predicting futures they'll never believe,
Until after you leave.
Creating a false sense of security,
Like you'll be here eternally.
Now gone too soon,
What the hell do I do?
I have more questions than answers.
Now who do I turn to?
The Lord and I have been friends for a mighty long time!
Named my daughter Belle cause of that song you wrote.
The best thing we could do is have YOU around.
But I digress.
As your lessons taught come back to my memory.
When I make instinctive decisions without thought,
Your unselfish LOVE is heard loudly.
Especially when you had the opportunity to give me up.
Risked your lively hood and trusted in your woman.
Called my mom the wild flower,
Never understood that until I was grown.
I can see clearer now, cause even now,
The rain is not gone.
I still look at the phone like you might call.
But for now I'll take that distinctive voice I STILL hear to this day.
Of words you use to say............
THAT'S my boy
Dag gummit
Give me my obligatory
MORGAN JORDAN
sung over and over again til she fell asleep.
The water and the brush.
Jerdan hair.............
I wish I could say
During the time you were here,
Dad, please put down the bottle.
That cigarette is speeding up your exit.
Wait a minute, I DID!
But now that I've had time to ruminate,
You warned us all about death.
The one thing about life
Is that you'll never make it out alive.
How could I be so blind!
I'm exhausted
Transitioning my thoughts
Wrapping my head around how!
Could I have said something different?
Then there you are smiling.
You had to go.
For us to learn.
Your time was borrowed.
This here is not our earth.
To get to heaven,
You have to die.
No wonder you were so willing.
But I'm uh be a man,
And STILL CRY.
I miss you every day DAD,
Some more than others.
But thanks for my Uncles, step mothers, aunts, and grandmother's you left me in the hands of,
And THE BEST sisters a brother could ever EVER dream of.

Until next time,
LOVE YOUR BOY